Well my birthday is coming up on Monday. I will be 48 years old. I can’t believe it, me, almost 50!!! Although, I must say this is the most liberating wonderful time of my life so far. God has given me the confidence to just be me and not worry about how I’m received by others. Do not misunderstand me please. I happen to be a loving person and will go out of my way to make sure I’m helping others be all they can be, but not at the expense of being true to who I am. If you are not mindful, people will have you forsaking the essence of who you are to accommodate their fears and flaws. I have learned this the hard way. It is not necessarily that they mean to, we are all selfish by nature and it is only God who can bring this to our attention and teach us to be more considerate of others.
When I was younger the overly conscientious me would almost die at the thought of someone not liking me, being against me or any type of confrontation. Therefore, I would find myself shrinking away or staying quiet from an immense fear of offending someone or someone being angry with me. Fear and my own insecurities drowned out who I really was. I would find myself going along to get along, knowing deep inside I may be in total disagreement. Well I’m happy to say that through God’s word, grace, mercy and many trials; I am free!!! Free from the looming doom of what someone says or thinks about who I am. “If God is for me, who can be against me!” I wake up everyday in His presence and I rely on Him to help me be the best me I can be! I am a straight forward type of person, it’s truly hard for me to be dishonest in a relationship, I need to say how I feel! Of course, I use God’s wisdom as when to let my feelings be known. Nevertheless, I must be transparent, that is my nature. When fear left, my true nature arose. I am comfortable with who God created me to be.
However, not everyone is as happy as I am. I have a hard time remaining in close relationship with people who like to pretend. It’s my Achilles heel. I have an extremely hard time pretending things are okay when they are clearly not. What I have found in life though, is people LOVE pretending! It is extremely comfortable for many people to live in fantasy land. They like pretending and hiding their true feelings. They will suffer internally trying to hide how they really feel and pretend on the outside that everything is lovely. Then in walks a person like me, who is upfront and forthcoming and I become the enemy! They have a “Do not Disturb” sign on their life of illusions. Then here I come ruining La-La land by just being honest and upfront, not wanting any relationships with false pretenses. Many people lie when they say they want the truth, no they don’t. They want you to go along or shut up and go away.
Therefore, I have to resign to the fact that not everyone will like me. I have family & friends who truly get me and appreciates who I am and I’m okay with that. God has blessed me with wonderful close friends and as long as I wake up everyday truly loving God, humble, loving others and wanting to please God, He will take care of the rest. I will no longer worry about who likes me and who does not. God is in control, not me. I will only forewarn you, if you do not truly want an honest friend, I’m not the friend for you. On the other hand, you are free to be honest with me, I welcome it, even if it stings a bit, that’s okay. Life is short, get with God and be strengthened in who He created you to be and run with it!!!♥